Tag: women

By Posted on Posted in Guides

Okay, so let’s say you and your husband are into anal play, and you want to take it a step further. You are both comfortable with the idea of anal sex, but you feel like you need some pointers to help you get started.

“Here are some things to keep in mind when you are ready to try anal sex:”

— Amy Barbour

Anal sex is easily achieved by some couples, but a little harder for others. It can be difficult to learn to accommodate your husband’s penis. Most women need to start out with something smaller and work their way up to it.

Use copious amounts of lube. I cannot stress this enough. While the vagina self-lubricates, the same cannot be said of the anus. It will be in your best interest to put lube on both places (your anus and the object being inserted). In fact, if your husband is down there with his fingers or a plug, just tell him to keep the bottle of lube with him!
Start out with your husband’s finger. Seriously. He can easily use a finger cot or glove if he wants. If you like the feelings you get from his finger, then that is a good indication that you may be ready for a little more. If his finger is uncomfortable to you or feels strange when inserted, then you may ultimately not like anal sex. You may be on this stage for one night or several months before you are ready to move on to anything else.
Move up to a small anal plug. Anal plugs come in so many sizes now and are relatively inexpensive. You and your husband can even pick one out online discreetly to avoid potential embarrassment of physically going to the toy store (although I think that’s part of the fun!) You can also try having your husband try and insert two fingers at this point. The goal here is to get your anus used to something slightly larger fitting in there. Again, some of you may have absolutely no problem with this stage either, or it may feel kind of foreign to you. Make sure that you experience having an orgasm while trying this, so you’ll know what you are getting yourself into! (Remember to use tons of lube!)When you feel you are ready to try full-blown anal sex, then start slowly. You may be surprised at the difference in size between an anal plug and your husband’s erect penis. I will tell you that getting the head in is the biggest hurdle, and after that it’s easier. Just go slowly and start out with very shallow mini-thrusts. By that, I mean to just barely thrust enough to get most of the head in. When you feel like you are able to take more in, then take it a little further. Remember to add more lube each time you take in another inch. Make sure you are in a comfortable position. Some positions are tighter for anal sex and other positions are more relaxed and may work better for you. So if you aren’t able to achieve penetration in one position, it’s possible that another may work for you. Here are some good positions we have that work for anal sex:Rear Entry
Standing T
Doggie Variation
The Screw
Recovery Position

If it feels uncomfortable to you, stop. Do not force it if it hurts. You could potentially damage yourself.
I encourage you to take it slowly, and don’t get upset if it doesn’t work immediately. Some things take time, patience, and practice. Once you have it down, try adding a vibe to your clitoris at the same time! Many women who like anal sex, also like experiencing double penetration as well, so that may be something worth looking into.

If you and your husband are interested in anal sex, then you’ll also need to decide on going bareback or wearing a condom. The use of a condom is cleaner, and you can always remove the condom for regular vaginal intercourse afterwards. If you decide to go without one, just remember that you should never re-insert his penis (or finger) into your vagina after it has been in your anus. That is a sure fire way to spread bacteria and get an infection.

So talk to your spouse about your expectations and/or concerns. Make sure that you are both comfortable with whatever decisions are made. You may try this only to find that one or both of you don’t like it. If that’s the case, then there are hundreds of other ideas and positions to try. Pray about it, take it slow, and HAVE FUN!

By Posted on Posted in Guides

Today’s article is going to focus on an activity called facesitting. We are going to learn what it is, how to do it, why people like it, and some safety concerning it.

What is Facesitting?
Facesitting is literally how the name sounds. It is where one person sits on another person’s face. Facesitting, or sometimes called queening, brings one person’s face in contact with another person’s anus or genitals, either forced or “consensual.” Once the genitals or anus of the top have been brought into contact with the bottom’s mouth, oral sex if performed. The top can also grind down, wiggle, and move around on the bottom’s face.
Normally, facesitting involves a female on top and a male or a female on the bottom. This is because genital contact is more common than contact with a person’s anus and a male cannot facesit from the top. It just does not work physically. An erection goes upwards, so a male can’t have oral contact with a person below him. Facesitting is typically considered to be part of BDSM because it can easily be used to create a dominance and submissive dynamic and humiliate the bottom if that is desired.
Why Would Someone Partake In Facesitting?
There are two main reasons why people typically partake in facesitting. It is either for the sensual experience or for a BDSM type scene.
The first is because certain men enjoy the sensation of being very intimate with a woman’s sex organ. There is a specific taste associated with vaginal secretions that may be pleasurable. There is a smell associated as well that many people find erotic. Having a person on top of you exerts pressure and that can be pleasurable and heighten the experience even more than ordinary oral sex. There is often a darkness so all your other senses such as taste, smell, and touch intensify making for a highly erotic experience. Some women can “squirt” and will discharge large amounts of fluid upon orgasm. This can be very exciting for a male to have this happen on his face. Oftentimes males do not get physical proof of an orgasm, so having it directly on their face can really solidify their ego. They feel like sex gods and can do anything. It just makes you happy to be able to pleasure your partner.
The second is for a BDSM experience. A part of BDSM is establishing a submissive and a dominant dynamic. Facesitting almost inherently creates this as one person is on the top and the sole purpose of facesitting is their pleasure. The experience also creates an altered physical strength between the two partners. When you are sitting on another person’s chest and face it is a lot easier to control their movement. Even if you are weaker than your partner, they might not be able to get up because you are on them. The bottom gives up control and is unable to do things he normally is able to do. He also gets no genital contact. His pleasure comes second. His ability to be pleasured and have sex is diminished making him second to the dominant. Some people really enjoy a D/S dynamic and facesitting creates an ideal environment to do it.
Safety
In order to facesit, you cover a person’s mouth and nose to a certain extent. This does add some risk to it. The nose and the mouth are where people breathe from, so if you restrict them too much, you can cause harm to them. This is further complicated by the fact most people’s tongues only stick out of their mouth a few inches. So you have to be very close in order for someone to perform oral sex on you. However with some practice you can find comfortable positions where you put some pressure on the bottom but not too much that it restricts their capacity to breathe in a meaningful way. This does take practice and communication. It is also good to have a signal that things are getting too intense. An easy one is for the bottom to tap the top’s buttocks or thighs in a “tap out” manner which will signal they need air and for the top to come up and allow them to breathe. Safewords, loud mumbling, or shaking can all be safety features that accomplish the same thing. Whatever works for you.
Additional Possibilities
There are other dimensions you can add to facesitting. The first is to have the bottom in bondage. He is therefore forced to perform oral sex and this can add humiliation, helplessness, and a feeling of submissiveness, all things that people enjoy. Tie his hands to his side with wrist and thigh cuffs. Tie his hands to the side of the bed. Restrain his hands to his side with belts. Put him in a straightjacket. Any form of bondage will work that prevents him from easily moving around. Do be careful though. There is an additional safety risk. If he cannot tap you to tell you he is running out of air, then there is some more risk. So just be careful and communicate lots and have a way he can still signal.
There are pieces of furniture called queening stools or facesitting stools. These are specific forms of furniture that make facesitting easy. The bottom places his head in a box, and then the female just lowers herself onto the top of the box and he performs his duties. Now these can be quite expensive and EF does not sell them. However you can make your very own. If you are handy with wood, you can make one with relative ease. But the other option is to find a chair that has a cushion you can lift up. You lift up the cushion so there is just a hole and no cushion. You then just trim the legs until it is a good height. You can then sit or straddle the chair. The bottom’s head goes under the chair (so it is under the hole). You get the same style of furniture without much effort. If you did not want to trim the chair, you could just put the bottom on a pile of cushions until he was at the right height.
Stimulating the Top
Although the tongue can be used, the male’s nose can also be used for stimulation. The female can grind around on it causing contact with her clitoris or vagina. This can also provide stimulation. What works is going to depend on each person. But a good place to start is just sitting still, then add some movement (the top), then experiment until you find what works for you.
Hopefully you now have an understand that facesitting involves one person sitting down on another person for genital or anal stimulation. People do it for both the sensual and the BDSM aspect, and that it is a safe activity as long as you think about what you are doing. If you have any questions or personal stories feel free to leave them in the comments.
I did use gendered words during this article. That is because facesitting is typically done with a male on the bottom and a female on top. You can however switch this up if you so choose.

By Posted on Posted in Guides

For some, there is nothing sexier than rubbing against a lover’s smooth skin. Yet for some of us shaving can be a pain. Without the promise of some sexual favor to come, it can be hassle not worth undergoing. So how do we give our lover the smoothest skin possible and still make it worth our time and effort? That’s simple, combine the two. Here’s how…

“Shaving is a really depressing task when you know you’re not getting laid that night.”

— ZJ22

If you and your lover are going to undertake the rather sexy task of shaving each other you’ll need to know a few key things, and have the right tools. Start with the basics, the razor. There are tons of razors available on the market, and whether you’re using a disposable, a more expensive razor, or an electric, there’s something for everyone. Water, that’s a very basic need but an important one nonetheless, and while shaving some areas is recommended dry, you’ll still need water to wash and rinse with. Next on your tool kit list should be shaving cream or gel, you can choose whatever scent or variety you like, but it’s a must for the smoothest shave possible. Another option is a shaving bar, this is the kind of lathering ‘soap’ specifically for shaving that most barbers use and is applied with a brush. Men tend to adore this stuff so it can be a real treat for them. You’ll also want a dry clean towel, a wash cloth, trimming scissors, shaving oil, and some after shave. If you don’t want to face the sting, or the smell of most traditional aftershaves, try using witch hazel or an aloe vera gel instead. Now that you’ve got your tool kit assembled, it’s time start shaving.

Men:

On a man there are several areas you could shave, there’s the face, chest, and even scrotum. Starting with the face is a good way to set a mood for cuddling, comfort, and maybe a bit more later on. Line up your supplies and soak your razor in a glass of cold water. Usually you would use hot water for soaking your blade but when it comes to facial hair it’s good to use cold, as hot makes the blade expand and dull, this is especially true of disposable blades. In the case of a full beard start off with a set clippers or scissors to trim the longer hairs. Sit on a countertop facing your man, legs spread wide so that your knees are pressed to their hips as you trim their longer hairs. This will give you both a great vantage point for shaving and create a closeness and intimacy. Next, wash your lovers face, rub your hands over their cheeks and jawline, working the cleanser in. Use a hot washcloth to wipe all the soap away when you’re done. This is the perfect opportunity for you to trace their lips with your fingertips and steal yourself a sweet kiss. Now apply shaving oil, rub it in your hands and then massage it into your partner’s facial hair. Make eye contact as you do this. Keep eye contact as you brush on the shaving cream or gel. Use swirling motions to spread it across the area you’re going to shave. Pick up the razor and begin shaving. Start on one side and work with small sections, towards the other side of his face. Use short, light, downward strokes moving with the grain. Pull your lovers skin tight and position their face as you go with gentle movements and light teasing. When you’ve finished, rinse your loves face with a wet cloth again, taking care to make sure you got all the lather and stray hairs off. Run your hands across your lover’s face and go over any places you missed until you can rub your face against your mans without pain or discomfort. Rinse your loves face with cold water and pat dry, this will close the pores and keep skin smoother for longer. Using witch hazel, rub it into your love’s face to sooth any cuts and prevent razor burn. Clean all tools with care and rub your face against your love’s again. With this kind of treatment, you can be sure both you and your lover will enjoy the shaving experience.
If you and your lover want to trim off some chest hair or even give it a completely bare look you’ll want to use a blade with pivoting head and multi blades. Start by trimming the hairs short, place a comb flat on his skin and trim over the comb with small scissors. Wash the area with warm water and an exfoliating scrub. Next you’ll want to rub on shaving oil; this will make shaving go smoother and remove much of the risk of cuts or nicks. Apply shaving cream; take this chance to tease your man’s nipples as you spread the lather. Hold their skin taut, and shave against the grain using short strokes and taking care around nipples and collar bones. The more curves you have to deal with, the greater the risk that your partner may be cut during shaving. Rinse the remaining shaving gel and stray hair with warm cloth, pat dry and apply unscented lotion, or apply witch hazel.
Working your way further down your lover’s body you may wish to shave their scrotum or ball sac. Many women, and men, enjoy this look and feel, especially while performing oral, so it’s no wonder this is a popular area to shave. There are two ways in which to do this, with an electric razor, for which you’ll need the area to be completely dry, or with a standard razor blade. If you’re using the standard blade start by sitting on the edge of the tub or a low stool have your partner stand with legs spread wide and gently use a warm washcloth to wipe your loves scrotum. Using a mild soap wash and rinse them with a warm cloth. Be careful not to pinch the sensitive flesh. Soak razor in warm water for a few minutes while you wash. Put a dab of shaving cream in your palms and gently rub it in. Using a standard razor pull the sacs apart and the skin as tight as you can without hurting your man. Use small short strokes to shave each and between them carefully. You will need a lot of light for this. To use an electric razor you’ll need to pat the testicles dry after washing, and then apply baby powder to them. This will help absorb any excess moisture and make them easier to shave without injury. Pull the skin tight again and use a circular motion to remove hair. Rinse your blade frequently to avoid build up. When you’ve finished rinse scrotum with a warm wash cloth and pat dry again. You’ll definitely want to avoid using any aftershave in this area, as the alcohol may irritate the sensitive skin.

Women:

A woman’s body has just as many sexy fun areas to shave as a man’s does. There are legs, naturally, the bikini line, and even the shaving of the armpits can be sexy. To shave your ladies’ legs, crawl into a bath together, and make sure the water’s comfortably warm. You don’t want to be too hot or too cold, as that will cause the skin to dry out and become more susceptible to nicks and cuts. It might be most comfortable to have her sit behind you with her legs stretched over your shoulders. Spread an exfoliating wash in your hands and then rub it down her legs, washing away any dead skin cells. Rinse the exfoliating scrub off and apply your shaving cream. You can use almost any razor for this job so long as it’s sharp. Shave against the grain, moving up the legs for a closer shave. Clean your blade often and use medium length, and give straight strokes. Rinse and repeat on the next leg, rubbing your hands down their lengths when you’re done to check for missed areas, and to feel up your lover. Pat dry and apply a nice moisturizing lotion, and enjoy the feel of her smooth legs.
For many, armpits aren’t highly erotic zones but most would agree that shaving your armpits is preferred. To make armpits hair-free and sexy starts with a shower or bathe to soften the skin and hair. Now ask your lady love to raise her arms and tell her to keep them behind her head, this will help to hold the skin taut. Apply a shaving gel, it doesn’t need to be very thick but will add a good lubrication for shaving. Armpit hair grows in all directions so start by shaving down in vertical lines, then up the same way. Next shave side to side, but try not to go over the same area too many times as this might irritate her skin. Rinse her armpits using a warm wet cloth and take the chance to lightly tickle and tease her. Pat dry and repeat with the other armpit. She’ll need to wait at least half an hour before applying a deodorant as the area is highly sensitive, but now she can put her arms down and around your neck to hold you close.
Shaving the bikini line is a very sensitive subject, and a sensitive area. To make this easier have your lover lay down on her back on a towel after a warm bath or shower, with legs slightly spread. Start by trimming the hairs short, just as with trimming off chest hair. Press a comb flat to her skin and trim the hairs with a pair of small scissors. Now use a gentle exfoliating scrub and warm wet washcloth to cleanse the area. Spread shaving oil over the remaining hair, locking eyes with her as you do. Repeat as you apply shaving cream. For this you’ll want to use a good razor with multiple blades and a pivoting head. Using a disposable razor is unadvisable as they won’t be as sharp and may cause more irritation and cuts than necessary. While shaving, make sure to go with the hair growth and then against, cleaning the blade often. Rinse her with a clean warm wash cloth, cleaning away all the excess hair and shaving cream. Pat dry and moisturize with a light unscented lotion.
Doing these things for your lover will make them feel pampered, special, and help to set the mood. Now you can rub your bare (in more ways than one, right?) skin against one another.

By Posted on Posted in Guides
Back in the day when I was in the middle of puberty, I was intrigued by the allure of older women. My father had a roomer in those days. She was a woman from the Delta, curvy and plain speaking, so comfortable in her body. I couldn’t get enough of her.
Six months after her arrival, she started meeting me in her rooms after school. She was a great teacher in the art of love. She was forty and I was in my mid teens. It was a revelation to see her fully undressed, a cram course in adolescent desire, and the classes were easy to learn from her.
One lesson involved the alchemy of sensual touch and stroking, while another showcased the many areas of the carnal kiss. One other class yielded the various sensitive zones of the breasts where an eager young mouth and fingers could lick and fondle to the teacher’s delight, and yet another one featured the magic of oral sex, all done with sizzle and passion.
However, this older woman never bedded me. No penetration. I was disappointed in that, but those master classes of lust and love have carried me through life to this present day. I was a very good student.

Coo Coo Ca-Choo, Mrs. Robinson

Which brings us to the matter at hand: the current red-hot MILF porn trend, and why it continues to thrive. The concept of a sexual mentor tutoring a younger person, be it any sex, is age old. In fact, the MILF, the American Pie slang for “Mom I’d Like To Fuck,” means that America has—at least partially—shaken off its Puritan cloak and grown up.
Witness the screen myth of Mrs. Robinson, the Desperate Housewives or the gal-pal quartet of Sex And The City. Maybe society has turned a moral and cultural corner in accepting the unbridled sexuality of older women without labeling them as cradle snatchers or loose women.
Nina Hartley, a porn superstar/columnist/sex educator, feels the graying of America has opened the door for this rising MILF trend. “The porn industry has endorsed the MILF films because Boomers are aging and want to see people who look like them—especially Boomer wives, who control what porn is brought into the house.”
Hundreds of porn starlets audition and do films every year. A few—like Sasha Grey, Bree Olsen, Stoya, Kagney Linn Karter, and Tory Black—go on to mainstream success, but most vanish or sink without a trace, meanwhile, MILF performers are enjoying a stream of steady work, or a career renaissance.
Hartley reports that stars from the ’80s and ’90s may be older, but they’re still working and hugely popular. “What makes for a great MILF is a good attitude—liking to have sex and letting it show—and being in shape for her age,” she says. “And it’s good to have a calm and mature mind.”
There’s very little physical difference to be seen in Nina Hartley, “then” and “now.” She remains a looker and totally in demand as a MILF queen. Other former stars in the business have resurfaced and become fan favorites: Ginger Lynn, Rayveness, Midori, Julia Ann, Amber Lynn, Nikki Hunter, Debi Diamond, and Keisha.
Lisa Ann, a star performer during the Golden Age of Porn in 1980s, recently returned to the industry for her award-winning role as Sarah Paylin, and as a regular MILF empress. The actress closed a successful talent agency to concentrate on filming and directing. “I didn’t really expect my career to take off like it has in the past three or four year,” she says. “I’m at this point where I’ve got a few years left and I really want to make the most of it.”

Hard Times Can Be Good Times

While most traditional porn took a major hit when the economy tanked, MILF porn was able to maintain its steady—and growing—niche. At a time when the adult industry began to rely more and more heavily on celebrity sex tapes, TV show parodies, Brazilian drag queens, and Asian nymphets for fiscal survival, profits continued to pour in to the studios from the MILF legends with their younger lads and lasses.
Perhaps a clue to the MILF genre’s ongoing popularity lies in some of the titles:Momma’s Boy, The Mommy Experience, I Want to Cum Inside Your Mom, Mama Likes It Big, Momma Knows Best, Moms Gone Wild, Hot Moms In Heat, MILF Worship, Mommy Likes It Black, Wanna Fuck My Daughter—Gotta Fuck Me First, Mommy Issues, and Mommy Loves Salami. There’s something for everyone.
With its 2010 win, one of the most treasured MILF series, Seasoned Players, has earned actor-director Tom Byron the AVN Awards for two years in a row. If you want to know what the gold standard of MILF porn is, this series—which features such legends as Lisa Ann, Ginger Lynn, Raylene, Kelly Nichols, Teri Weigel, Amber Lynn, and the incomparable Nina Hartley—is it.
“Seasoned Players is my baby,” Byron told AVN Magazine. “To get recognition for it is great, but to win Best MILF series back to back is just awesome.”

It’s Unconditional, Stupid

Whenever the MILF fad is mentioned, there’s always talk about sexual peaks in biology, the younger guys hitting their stride in their late teens or early 20s and older women in their early 40s (sort of like Mrs. Delta and myself). A few years ago, AARP released a study that said 34 percent of all women ages 40 to 60 were dating younger men. Who knew?
All this Mommy talk has its basis in facts, according to Dr. Betty Dodson, the famed sexologist and author of Sex For One: The Joy of Self Loving and Orgasmic Women. “Most young men just naturally love their mothers. After all, it’s the first love affair they experience. And the titty dinner they get during breastfeeding is enduring. Those men who were bottle fed end it up tit obsessed. A mother’s love is unconditional. She loves you no matter how fast you come or how fucking dumb you are.”
Mick Farren, legendary sci-fi novelist and cultural observer for AVN Magazine, agrees. “It’s classic. It’s as least as old as Oedipus and his mom. It’s Dustin Hoffman’s choice in the movie, The Graduate. Who would you want to fuck: Katherine Ross or Anne Bancroft? The answer is both. And there’s the other side of the coin: It’s older women getting some vigorous youthful dick.”
Currently, MILF porn flicks are going through a series of offshoots in various categories and configurations, no longer catering solely to males, but to female as well, gay and transgender demographics. As Nina Hartley concludes, “The Boomers will continue to dominate the culture until we’re all dead. It’s the bulge in the python metaphor. As we age, we’ll keep sex front and center. Sooner or later, there’ll be ‘Geezer Porn,’ I’m sure!”

By Posted on Posted in Guides

So, with Mother’s Day behind us (that would be the second Sunday of May) but the month in which it falls still with us, perhaps we need to roll out a MILF Day? Or make plans for one beginning next year? I mean, we have special days for just about everything now, including “Talk Like a Pirate Day,” so why isn’t there a MILF Day? Or am I just slacking on my online searching game this month?

Anyway, maybe the last Sunday of the month, just to give folks a couple weeks for the next paycheck to roll around so they can spend the same amount of money they did on brunch, flowers and chocolates to instead buy and wrap an assortment of sex toys, lingerie and…chocolate sauce?

On the other hand, maybe we don’t need MILF Day.
You know, if for no other reason that it’s kind of a tacky term. The act itself is fine; younger men with older women isn’t anything new. You can find plenty of examples of that historically. Not as many as younger women with older men, but that’s probably mainly because men have called so many of the shots for so long. Mature women and maturing men may have never been any more or less popular than it is now, even though it may not have been as visible or as open in past generations.
But anyway, back to my point. Coining a term “mother I’d like to fuck” to differentiate porn featuring middle aged women from porn featuring the young’uns already suggests all kind of excessive objectification beyond the norm. We have plenty of sites touting TEENS or BARELY LEGAL…is it so hard just to say you have porn with middle-aged women, mature women, sexy soccer moms or whatever else?
Also, MILF sounds like a milk company and JIF got together to make a special peanut-butter-flavored dairy product.
So, I’ll pass on embracing the whole MILF term.
Still, though, in this month of moms, can I ignore the siren call to discuss issues around young men having sex with women old enough to be their mothers? I could, but I won’t, because sometimes taking the low-hanging fruit is actually the right thing to do. So, let’s move on to the more popular term today, which isn’t exactly a substitute or synonym for MILF but is certainly of a similar theme, and that would be the “cougar.”
Until such time as women tire of being called cougars and decide to complain that they’re being compared to animals (even though many of them embrace the term now), we’ll go with that. Lots of groups seem to get tired of its titles eventually and rebel against them and demand new ones, but maybe this one will stick.
Because for goodness sake, this isn’t a fad. We need to have some term, I guess, because the phenomenon will stay with us. Sure, it might be overly hyped and “all the rage” right now to be a cougar, claim to be a cougar or aspire to be a cougar, but that’s not unlike any other trend. When it becomes big, everyone wants to jump on the bandwagon or knock the wheels off of it. Eventually, something new comes around to replace it in the hype machine. When the hype is no longer worth it, cougars won’t be any more notable than breast men, leg men, swingers or furries. What? Furries still aren’t mainstream? Oh, well. Scratch that one from my list, then.
There is a reason we have cougars and why we have had cougars for millennia, even before the time the label was slapped on human women and not simply on large predatory felines. It’s because young men often lust after what they are familiar with. If you’re a young man, chances are good that you’ve had some aunts (blood related or marriage related) to whom you’ve been attracted. Or other mom-aged relatives, close family friends, or neighbors. As such, there’s a good chance that you will develop a hankering for such women, either at some defined point in life or as a lifestyle. Just like many people play with homosexual urges at some point or simply become homosexual altogether.
Also, there’s something to be said for experience. Sure, you can learn how to make love with someone your own age, except the chances are that person will be just as inexperienced as you or close to it. You’re both fumbling around unknown territory with, at best, book learning and unreliable instincts to guide you. It’s a wonder any of us learn to have good sex under such conditions. If you hook up with someone older, you will stand a better chance of benefitting from loads of experience and having much better orgasms, I suspect.
This is probably largely the reason for older men/young women pairings too (familiarity/attraction to being around older men through so much of life and/or greater experience). Also, in ages (or even a few decades) past, it was hard for women to even think about success or wealth on their own, so you can add in the “sugar daddy” factor there to draw young women to older men traditionally.
Finally, there are cougars because Mother Nature is a cruel practical joker. Or God has a really evil sense of humor. Or both. If there are no spirits of the world or the universe, then clearly evolution is itself a sentient being with a mean streak toward humanity.
Why?
Because whereas it’s pretty common for young men to be able to go at it sexually for hours and get their erections back quickly and hardly ever have that performance anxiety thing that’s strong enough to kill an erection…it’s not so common for older men. We end up needing more time to recover in a lot of cases and get a second erection, we may lose the one we have at the drop of a hat, etc.
Meanwhile, young women often need a lot of TLC down below before they can orgasm, which the young men often aren’t interested in spending that much time on. And then women hit middle age and often experience a real spike in their libido. They start trying things sexually they never considered before, they want sex more often, they rev up more quickly, they come more quickly, they want it harder and faster, etc.
These aren’t blanket rules, of course, but they match my general observations in life, so clearly they are all pretty common scenarios. And therein lies the cruel rub, like giving someone a handjob with sandpaper: If you are young and paired with a young person, there is a great likelihood there is a mismatch in your libidos and sexual needs and you need to adjust to the other person’s needs (or be an asshole and ignore them). If you are older and paired with an older person, you have the same problem, except the gender roles kind of reverse.
So, naturally, at certain points in life, you may find the most satisfaction by pairing up with a person at the opposite end of the gender spectrum AND consenting age spectrum.
Thus, I understand the whole cougar thing. I think there’s nothing wrong with it, to some extent it’s natural and logical, and it works for lots of people. So, while we’re paying attention to it a lot more now, it’s kind of like other issues we’ve swept under the rug and ignored in the past—It’s not that it didn’t exist; we just didn’t want to talk about it before now.
So, it’s good to talk about it now. Hopefully we can get to the point soon where it’s just no big deal.
But…and did you sense I had a “but” in here all along?…I do have certain things about the popularity of cougar life (and the older male equivalent, which doesn’t seem to get a term except “cradle robber” as far as I can tell, unless you’re well-off enough to be a sugar daddy) that bug me a little.
For one thing, I don’t want a younger woman. Frankly, the older I get, the more that young adult women look like teenagers to me. I see a 20-something in a movie (porn or otherwise), and I can find her sexy and become aroused, but I wouldn’t want to bed her in real life. Personally, I’d feel dirty doing that (no offense to the dudes who don’t). As I’ve aged, the images I have in my mind of sexy women age a bit, too. It’s not like young ladies are knocking down my door, but there have been many times young women have flirted with me, and it simply confounds me. It’s flattering, but also makes me a little embarrassed.

So, in my life, I have a quandary. Given that the wife and I opened up our marriage a couple years back (even though we’ve done precious little to actually act on that openness sexually), I don’t really know what to do. If I were flat-out single, I wouldn’t have a problem finding a woman my age because it’s still all-too-true that middle-aged women have the hardest time finding a partner (particularly of their own age, since older men can attract younger women so often). But I’m not single. I’m looking at times for some extra sex with someone who’s not my wife. But close to my own age nonetheless.
However, among swingers, I feel like most of the women are looking for something younger or they’re looking for another woman (of comparable age or, often, a younger one to be the “unicorn” in the fabled MWW three-way scenario that is all too hard to come by most of the time).
Likewise, my wife would love to find someone near her age to play with. Could she go cougar? No doubt. She’s aging very gracefully, she’s personable, she knows her way around the male body and she can be very sultry. Rawwwwrrrr!
But our son is 21 now. She doesn’t want someone in their 20s because it’s just going to make her think of the fact she could be the mother of the young man she’s banging. It doesn’t work for her personally. And to most men her own age or close to it, she’s nearly invisible, because they’re going after the younger asses a lot of the time.
So, I have nothing against cougar culture. Or cougar country. Or cougar couture or whatever. It’s as valid as any other sexual proclivity that involves consenting adults. If you like it, I love it (on your behalf).
But in the end, it’s just people having sex with other people, and it has it’s messy points and its alluring ones.
Sometimes both at once.

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In her article “Are You Living In A Sexless Marriage?” Cathy Meyer,About.com/Divorce Support, defines a sexless marriage as “one in which one spouse feels there isn’t enough sex or there is no sex at all.” She further states that the expectations about frequency may be an underlying issue that causes some people to think their marriage is sexless. She follows this definition with lots of good reasons why some people may not have the same sex drive as their partners.

AARP statistics state that 65 percent of mature couples still have sex, as reported by Jeanne Lee Davis’ article on WebMD. Another interesting quote from “Get it on or Get Divorced?” by Vicki Larson,Huffington Post, is that “61 percent of men aged 45 to 55 say a good sex life is a critical part of a healthy relationship, [while] just 47 percent of women in the same age group agree.”

It’s interesting in all these articles that they seem to all be how to instructions on how to get more sex. It’s a fact that sex plays an important role in marriage. However, each marriage is unique, and a one-size-fits-all solution may not be right for everyone. Sex is an intimate experience, more so today in some ways since the AIDs scare and the loss of the free-love adventure of the 60s. Sex demands within marriage have also changed tremendously with the advent of birth control. It is not so far back in our cultural history that arranged marriages and marriages of convenience occurred. It is also not really that long ago that some religious cultures did not even allow men and women to view each other’s bodies, even when they were married. Ever seen a picture of the old Victorian pajamas that had holes in just the right places so that married couples might engage in intercourse without having to take off their clothes?

Somehow in our ever-changing world, we have taken a very intimate detail of marriage and created additional expectations, somewhat similar to the way the media has set up expectations about the way men and women should look. In older small cultural groups, women used to speak with other women about pleasing their husbands and doing what was necessary to stabilize the marriage, to protect the integrity of the entity which was established to provide for children. The same thing happened between men. What is missing in some of the current literature is the validation for couples who do not fit the expected norm, do not consider their sex life to be on par with an exercise schedule, and who have a deep and enduring love and respect for each other, no matter what.

Research of all kinds has shown that men and women show up for sex from different perspectives and with different expectations and needs, especially at different times in their lives. The common thread in the research that is helpful is that sex without intimacy and trusting relationship may not be sustainable. While sex can have health benefits pertaining to reducing stress, keeping fit, and increasing overall well-being, the effect of sex without intimacy and a trusting relationship is more harmful.

Yes, sex is a physical function that most people are driven to participate in as part of being human. Hormones and all that accompanies our human sex drive are natural, and sex is a wonderful experience. It is also a physical release that some folks get addicted to for real reasons, such as the release of natural oxytocin that can feel like a high, the experience of exclusive and deep intimacy, and the simple fact that it is one thing that can take one’s mind off of everything else for awhile. Such a powerful activity is wonderful and great to share. In this cultural day and age, it is frequently one of the powerful drives which brings people to contemplate marriage. Yet, it is not what marriage is about, in and of itself. A frequent and consistent sex schedule should not be the goal of a marriage. There are lots of cases of domestic violence that have this component.

If sex within a relationship is not what one hopes or was expecting, it is and should be a conversation topic. It may be a result of one partner not feeling safe, health issues, personal hygiene practices, willingness or lack of willingness to try different things during sex, beliefs about sex and marriage, or any wide assortment of discussable topics. Discussion, another form of intercourse, is what is needed to begin to determine whether or not there is a possibility for change — change that may feel necessary to one person. Being able to communicate and listen to each other are the keys to a strong and intimate relationship, not how frequently a couple has sex.

by Laurie Engelhardt (@LouEngelhardt) on Feb 27, 2014 5:11pm

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There are many of us who identify as queer, bisexual, pansexual, or other identities that are flexible in the sex and gender of our partners. This is often difficult to understand for people who are not flexible, whether they are gay or straight. This is a guide for monosexual (cliff notes version: someone who is either straight or gay) partners of sexually flexible people to be a better partner to those of us with these unique identities.

1. Control and be aware of your jealousy, even more so than in other relationships.

Many people have jealousy in their romantic pursuits, which is normal as long as it is controlled and does not affect the other person. However, people flexible in their sexual orientation and pursuits could be interested in anyone, and being suspicious of them when they hang out with anyone will severely impair their ability to have any friends. This is really important to remember and also balance with the next two points.

2. Remember that they are bisexual or flexible, and treat that sexual orientation just as seriously as you would treat a straight or gay orientation.

Many times I have had a partner who conveniently forgets that I am flexible and gets fiercely jealous of me being around people of only one particular sex or gender identity but treats the other(s) like normal friends. Okay, really? My current partner is great about my flexible sexual orientation and knows that women, and any other gender for that matter, can be just as much of a threat to our relationship as cismen like himself. However, I’ve also gone on dates with cismen who seem to think that bisexual women exist for their amusement. Others, of any gender, think I’m confused. Even if your partner is confused and is working out their orientation, it is up to them to decide how to identify. You have no authority to tell them what their orientation really is.

3. The dating pool for gay people is small, especially in some regions of the country and world. Don’t freak out if your partner frequently sees an ex or two unless they give you a reason to do so.

This is important for straight people who are dating flexible people. If there are 10 lesbians in your little town, your partner is bound to have dated one or several of them, and after breaking up, they will run into them or even be best friends with them. It’s okay. Think about your ex-partners—-would you really want to get back together with them? Most people would say no. There is a reason that your partner is dating you and no longer dating them. It’s important for us to know other bisexuals, or even strictly gay people, that can understand this essential part of our identities. Sometimes that means becoming friends with ex-partners in ways that straight people would not.

4. Avoid cliché questions because they’ve been asked over and over again, unless they open the conversation, and don’t assume that your partner fits the stereotypes.

“Who have you had more/better sex with?” “How many threesomes have you had?” and other common bisexual questions are not a great start to a relationship with a bisexual or otherwise flexible person. These are questions we’ve heard a lot. We don’t also want to hear them from our partners. In fact, my partner is the person to whom I complain about these questions and stereotypes. People flexible about the sex and gender of their partners are stereotyped as confused, promiscuous, cheaters, and many other things that are not any more true about us than the general population. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard people who claim to be really progressive make comments like, “I hope my partner isn’t bisexual. I don’t want them to cheat on me with a ____.” These comments hurt flexible people and perpetuate negative stereotypes. Don’t assume your partner will cheat on you because they are flexible.

5. But do talk about it. Ask your partner how you can be supportive.

Your partner has a sexual orientation that is commonly misunderstood and is also largely invisible. When holding your hand, people assume that they are ____ sexuality when they are only seeing half of the picture. If you are a couple that appears heterosexual, your partner may love heterosexual romance films—but also might love homosexual ones. Be sure that you are asking your partner if there is more that you could do to be supportive of their sexual orientation. If you are in a homosexual relationship with a bisexual person, consider buying them heterosexual erotica. If you are in a heterosexual relationship, go to Pride with them, or encourage them to attend with their LGBTQ friends.

6. Don’t overwhelm them with unnecessary support they didn’t ask for or want.

It may seem like this guide is contradictory, but it is mostly about balance. It is important to support your partner’s identity, but it is not their only identity. Don’t treat it as any more important than other parts of them, especially if they don’t think it is that important. Some people, like myself, are very into our queer identity and talk about it a lot. However, my queer identity is just as important as my working-class, woman, and feminist ones, all of which I spend a lot of time thinking and talking about. Don’t focus solely on their flexible sexual orientation and not at all on other identities. If your partner says they don’t want to go to Pride or receive heterosexual erotica, don’t push it on them. You partner may not want or need any extra support from you, and that’s okay too.If there is something I’ve forgotten or that you want to add, please do so in the comments!

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We all know how hard it is raising teens. This stage is where communication is so very difficult, yet so essential. Sex is certainly going to be a struggle during their teenage years, but this is the time when you are needed the most.

“Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull. It is the sex instinct which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all. Throttle it, denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, boresome, imbecile level of life in an anthill.”

— Henry Louis Mencken

To Have Sex Or Not To Have Sex: That Is The Question!

Few parents want to face the idea that their teens are having sex — but research shows that many teens are sexually active by high school. We can all agree that sex is awesome, sex is incredible. It is something shared between two people and by golly, I am not opposed to getting down and dirty. What I am opposed to is unprotected and illegitimate sex (sex without meaning) in teens. Now, I’m not perfect. I’ve had illegitimate sex in my teen years, but because of the emotional consequences, I now know to try to go against the primitive desire to have sex without any sort of feeling, emotion, or commitment.So how can you talk to your child about sex?1. Promote Abstinence
Tell the child you’d prefer they wait until they are mentally capable to handle the ramifications of sex. Ask your teen to think about his or her own values and hopes for the future — and consider how sex might affect them.

2. Discuss Birth Control Options
Give your child options, just in case abstinence is not their course of action. Make sure to take them to a doctor to have everything checked out beforehand. And make sure that your child is getting tested for STDs regularly thereafter. Talk to them about male and female condoms, spermicide, prescription birth control, emergency birth control, and natural family planning. Don’t be afraid that talking to your child about contraception will encourage them to have sex. They’re thinking about it whether you bring it up or not.

3. Encouraging Responsible Behavior
Make sure your teen knows that alcohol and drugs will impair their judgement. Be sure to tell them about different birth control options and the frequency of the medications.

4. Let Your Young Woman Take Charge of Her Sexual Health
This is not the 60s anymore! Women are demanding their piece of the pie. Yes, women have needs and a couple of years ago, sexual satisfaction was not much of a priority in comparison to now. If you have a young woman who desires to take charge of her sexual pleasure, help her out. I remember when my mom purchased my first vibrator. It was awkward for me to talk to her about it, but I appreciate the fact that she did it on her own. Many teens simply see the television shows of women and men being engulfed by a passionate kiss only to find that the woman has her legs spread wide open, making all kinds of porn star noises.

By purchasing a love toy, your teen can experience an orgasm alone, which may make some females decide that they don’t have to have sex this early in life. I know some of my teen friends back in high school just wanted to know what an orgasm felt like. Had they known that sex wasn’t like it is portrayed in movies, they probably would have waited.

5. Let Your Teen Know That His/Her Desire To Have Sex Is Natural
Your teen should not be ashamed that he/she wishes to have sex. Yes, the topic may be difficult to bring up at the family table, but it is definitely a topic that all parents have to go through eventually. Assure your child that their natural instinct to engage in sex is a totally primitive catalyst agent to procreate. Try to make your teen aware that there are plenty of things about sex and your own body’s response to sex that you will have to learn along the way.

6. Communicate
The number one challenge of raising adolescents: the Superman complex! Psychology 101-they think they are invincible! No one can touch them. This is why many teens sext, drink, etc. They think that no one understands them, which makes them feel isolated, which in turn causes them to act out. Behavioral changes becomes prevalent as the adolescent is faced with pressures in school, realization of sexual identity, and the like.

To better manage these changes, talk with your child. Healthy communication is key here. There may be an underlying cause that clouds their judgment on things. Offer to just be there, even if they do not want to talk about a situation. Let’s be real, some things kids just do not want to share with their parents. I’m sure no teenage girl would like to come out to their parents and say, “My boyfriend tried to have sex with me, and I wanted to do it, but I was scared. What should I do, mom?” In reality, there are very few kids that will say such a thing to a parent. Instead, offer to be there to just hold them, even without saying a word. Support is crucial here. They will realize that they are not alone.

For the Parent: Coping

How can you cope with your teen having sex?I know it can be difficult to admit to yourself that your child is having sex. Admitting it is the biggest hurdle and everything after that seems to be a bit easier. Please understand that your child is not a child anymore. S/he is a young adult. A young adult with desires, primitive instincts, and the ability to make their own decisions. Just think of it this way- whatever advice they are not getting from you, they are getting from their friends, books, movies, the internet, and magazines. You cannot stop your child from experiencing the real world anymore. The real world doesn’t care about age appropriate exposure and the only way to stop your child from being miseducated is to educate them on the subject yourself. If you don’t know an answer to their question, find the answer- or better yet, find the answer together.My mom used to have an “office drop box.” That’s what she called it. If my sister or I had any questions that we were too afraid to ask her in person, we were to type up the question, print it out (for fear of her recognizing one of our handwriting), and drop it in her “drop box” that was a pretty pink cardboard box with a slit in it. The box stood on a stand right outside of her master bedroom. My mom would check the box every day and she would construct a reply. She would place the replies in another two boxes outside of the kids bathroom. Each reply had a date.

She constructed an excel worksheet that listed the date the question was received. My sister and I remember the date we sent our questions and looked on the excel chart that was overhead of the box. We got our replies back from whatever box coincided with our date so the other sibling wouldn’t have to know what we asked our mother. I think this was an excellent method because it kept us anonymous. And sometimes, the unbiased reply made my sister and I want to strike up a conversation with my mom about it. But sometimes, we did prefer to have our answers in the reply drop box.

Parents, please make an effort to be as unbiased and nonjudgmental as possible. This will help you cope with your child, but also make your child feel as if they can come to you with anything. Be sure to also tell your teen that if they can’t talk to you, although advised, they can speak with another adult that is experienced enough to answer their inquiries. There are plenty of resources out there for them. If your teen has a question about sex, STDs, abortion, etc, they can call Planned Parenthood at (800)-230-7526 or American Pregnancy Hotline at (866)-942-6466. If they feel as if there are some LGBTQIA related issues that need to be discussed, they can call the Trevor Project hotline at (866)-488-7386. The Trevor Project even has an online chat during certain times of the day. The opportunities for you and your child are endless. It is indeed a journey, but you have to start somewhere with your child, before your child starts the journey without you.

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” -Martin Luther King Jr.

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Up to 35% of women usually don’t reach orgasm during masturbation, and up to 70% of women cannot orgasm from penetrative intercourse alone. Orgasm is important for our bodies and overall health. The rush of endorphins caused by orgasm relaxes muscles and helps with stress. PC muscle contractions and increased blood flow improve vaginal and urinary system health. Climaxing can relieve pain associated with pre-menstrual syndrome and even migraines. Use vibrators to achieve faster and easy orgasms and get all health benefits from sexual pleasure.